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Mother Guilt

We all have it...and now moms can text.

Me: Mom I’m not feeling great, its been a long weekend, I kind of just want to go home and rest. 

Mom: Oh honey that’s fine, you work so hard! Its ok that dad and I are alone tonight at home. That’s just fine.  

Me: …

What is it about these mom creatures that somehow know just the instinctual way to make us feel guilty about making any other decision other than the one they have suggested?

Where do they learn it?  It’s a mom-skill whose onset is post-college. Its as if they have a sensor for when guilt will work on us. Teen years and first college years–parents have an internal understanding that their powers of guilt are useless.  But as soon as the child is post-college and trying to juggle their job, dating, house, finances etc. Then suddenly we also develop a strong sense of parental guilt.

Mom: Hey Jo…how is that guy you’ve been talking to? 

Me: Fine mom, everything is good.

Mom: Well Jo, you know dad and I have been really praying for you. You just never know, he might be the right one. Have you asked him….(insert 10 more questions here).

Me: Mom….please stop.  

Moms are wonderful. They are patient, kind and full of unselfish desire to see their children happy.  The problem with this is they are like early prospectors staking claims to any land that looks prosperous.  Oh look–my daughter’s love life—flag into the ground with a logo that says “Mom’s business” emblazed upon it. My free weekend for the first time in a month–mom finds out and stakes their claim.

Often moms are like our internal voices. Those internal voices are already blaring in our heads as we trip day-to-day trying to reconcile the problems and issues. Moms are simply echoing these voices and often are louder and like a parrot–saying exactly what we’re already thinking but in a more nasal and annoying way. For example, I’m thinking that I should probably try and refinance my mortgage and its tickling my mind day after day and I begin to look for good refinancing rates.

Parrot Mom: REFINANCE! REFINANCE! REFINANCE! Why are you waiting…bwaaack.

Thanks mom. I know.

See, my mom is my constant companion in my head.  Her happiness is my happiness. And as much as I know she cares about me succeeding and being happy, I am in constant worry about her.  I ache when she cries.  I’m tormented when I can’t solve the problems in her life.  And even though I get annoyed and snippy with her, I’m fiercely protective of her.

Its the internal battle that many children face, its the questions we ponder. We wonder if we can be good children and still fly out of the nest in persist of our independence.

And though I don’t have any answers to this question, I know where I am.  I’m going to see my mom after a 3-hour drive and a very long weekend.  I’d rather be going home but her text on my phone pleads.

Please come.




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